Playing Nice

Matthew loves other little kids, especially ones that are younger than him. He likes to hug them and pat their cheeks. He sometimes underestimates his strength and pushes them over or pulls their hair. As a new mom, I don't always know what to do. Most of the time, I'm uncertain as to what Matthew can truly understand and so I struggle with how to explain things in toddler language. I sometimes say things to him that really don't make sense even to me. The other day I said, "We don't push little babies Matthew" and then realized that the "baby" he was pushing was almost a year older than him. I tried to ignore the laughing coming from the other moms in the room and pretended like I knew what I was doing.
I'm hoping to eventually be one of those moms who say really smart things to their kids but for now I just have to settle with telling Matthew to 'Play Nice'. 'Playing nice' covers a multitude of situations and so I think I'm covered for the moment.
Today as I was running, a life changing thought occurred to me. We teach our kids to 'play nice' which in essence means to treat others with tenderness, gentleness, and kindness but somehow we miss telling our kids to 'play nice' with themselves as well. Somewhere along the journey of life, I missed the importance of treating myself with tenderness, gentleness, and kindness. So often in running and in my life, I push hard. I set goals. I make plans. I work hard. In all of that, I stop listening to my body, I stop looking at my surroundings and instead look at the clock, the number of miles run, the goal to achieve. Sadly, I tend to miss the simple joys along the way. I don't 'play nice' with me because I'm always pushing myself to do more and be more.
As I ran today, I made a commitment with myself to 'play nice'. During my run, I slowed down to a pace that was comfortable. I didn't look at my watch. I decided to run until I felt like stopping. I forgot about the miles. I admired the blue sky. I enjoyed the sun shining on my face. I said 'hi' to the people I passed. I refrained from getting in my car when I got home and drive the route I had just run to see how far I had gone. I enjoyed running for the first time in several weeks because I wasn't pushing myself to the limit. It felt good to be nice to my body.
Later in the day I got a massage and was able to fully enjoy it. When my massage therapist leaves the room, she always tells me to stay awhile and relax before getting up. "Take your time," she says. Today, I actually did.
I'm starting to realize more and more that goals can add structure to life, a level of fulfillment, and even a sense of control. All of which are good things. But when goals become a way of defining who you are and their attainment a validation of self worth, it is time to do things differently. It is time for me to start doing things differently.
I will probably always be a goal person but I don't want to miss the life that happens in between each achievement. I want to enjoy the journey and experience the small treasures along the way. I want to be flexible with my goals and give myself permission to do things the 'nice way' (which means doing things that suite my life, body, spirit in the kindest way possible) and not the 'perfect way'(which means doing things according to the standards of others and/or perceived standards of others). I want to 'play nice'. Researchers make the argument that it isn't goal attainment but the process of striving after goals that brings happiness.

Funny, the things that can pop into your head when you run....